Inspiration: Forest’s Allura POV and her explanations thereof. Discussions with Zoe and Forest. Various fanfic and professional fic I’ve read.

This comes after both Timing is Everything and Forest's Allura's POV of the same.

Thank you, Forest, for beta’ing at speed and at great, glorious length.

Disclaimer: WEPownsVoltron. Bah.

Shock numbing me, I drift closer, drawn irresistibly toward the sounds of Keith and Allura making love. I never knew I had a masochistic streak before.

Finally turning the corner, I see more than I wanted, and exactly what I expected. Keith's back is to me. He's wrapped completely around Allura, feasting on her. His hands are caressing her breasts, molding the soft flesh through her loosened bodice. The sight of his hands wringing pleasure from a body that I could never offer sends a pang through my heart. Allura's making pleasure-sounds and words are falling heedlessly from her lips, a look of ecstasy... and hurt? on her face. Why the heck should she be hurt? Before I can begin to think about the question, my attention is abruptly commanded by Keith’s sudden stillness.

"Lance."

Even seeing what I'm seeing, still his voice shaping my name throws me off balance, desire tingling down my spine at that one word. Distracted by the pain and the desire, I don't have a jest at hand. Instead, the first thought that isn't incoherent or a plea falls out of my mouth. "Sven was right."

With those three words, it's as if a spell was broken.

Allura changes from a stunned, half-ravished woman to ice-Princess in a blink of the eye and a tightening of her bodice. Her blue eyes are colder than the winter sea, her voice rings clear, the sarcasm strong enough to penetrate even Lotor's thick skull. "Of course. He's always right."

Shocked at this reaction, I can tell, however excessive it seems to me, Keith clearly feels as strongly as she does. Even as Allura turns into the ice Princess, he's drawing away from her, his back even tenser now, enough so that he must be nursing the worst tension headache... But his refusal to turn around and look me in the eye triggers my temper. The only time Keith refuses to look at someone is when he's so furious he's afraid he'll lose control. How dare he feel angry at me, when I'm the wronged one? I was the one who found my lover making out with someone else -- and not even another guy, but a female....

Before I can really think things through, a red haze overwhelms my vision. Moving swiftly forward, screaming, "Look at me, damn you!" I reach out and grab Keith's shoulder, spinning him around.

Immediately, his arm comes up and knocks my hand away. He's facing me, but he refuses to meet my eyes, looking instead somewhere past my left shoulder.

About to yell more, my mouth suddenly snaps shut. Eyes wide, I stare at his face, the tear tracks clear as the destruction Haggar leaves in her wake. Underneath the remains of his crying, his facial muscles twitch and tighten. Looking at his eyes, I can see the fury barely walled off in those distant black eyes.

Anger flaring again, combining with my worry about why Keith was crying, I question him sharply. "What's going on, Keith? If you're tired of me, you could do me the grace of telling me before you take up with someone new..." Even as I'm priding myself on my snarkiness, and the way I managed not to sound hurt, I miss the exact moment Keith snaps. My only warning is the involuntary gasp from Allura, witness to all of this.

Snarling, his face a mask of pure rage, Keith leaps serpent-quick and pins me to the ground. This twisted parody of an embrace has me trembling between remembered desire and fear of a Keith I've almost never seen.

"You lay this on me! What is it, Lance? Did you want us to fight over you, like mindless animals?"

Frowning, puzzled, my anger subsides momentarily as I struggle to figure out just what he means.

Snorting, disgust clear even in that small sound, Keith sits up, careful to keep my legs pinned.

Abruptly, a memory flash supplies the answer. Feeling what color anger gave me blanch away, I force myself to meet Keith's furious eyes. "I never locked the door."

A cold smile lifts Keith's lips, thankfully only briefly before he returns to his usual emotionless mask. Nodding, he crosses his arms on his chest, and lifts up an inquiring eyebrow. "I didn't think Sven was that quick. I realize he's been trapped on Doom for the past several years, but that's no reason for him to leave you unsatisfied. I didn't think he changed that much."

Twitching incredulously at the poisonous words, I growl soundlessly, narrowing my eyes as I glare up at Keith. Clamping my mouth shut on my automatic arguments, I shake my head sharply. No way am I going to let Keith shift this argument. No matter what he says, the problem isn't really Sven. It's us. We both made mistakes… "You misunderstood --"

"What, that it was just a 'hello'? Complete with spit-swapping, hands everywhere, and clothing strewn across the room?" Eyes glittering, Keith sneers down at me. "I've never heard of an innocent greeting like that."

Feeling Keith shift his weight in preparation to leave, my anger once again takes over my actions. I reach out and latch onto his arms, keeping him from moving as I sharpen my glare. "We were lovers for five years, Keith! We were lovers when he was taken by Doom. I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with him. How else do you think I would greet him, back from the dead?”

As Keith's face closes even more, I know he's not getting it. I don't understand why he doesn't! I've shown him what he means to me. Gritting my teeth, I try again. This time, he lets me speak. So gracious of him. "We've changed, Sven and I. And what's between you and me had nothing to do with what's between me and Sven. I love you!" If that isn't clear...

Keith lifts a sardonic eyebrow. "How much of this declaration of yours is because Sven's moved on to Romelle?" Lips twisting, Keith snorts. "And I always knew that what we had together had nothing to do with what you and Sven have together."

The incredulous sound from Allura distracts him, thankfully, as I try to figure out how he could have noticed that much and still get it all wrong.

Anger reaching new peaks in me, I get over enough of my shock to sputter at him. "I am NOT saying 'I love you' because Sven likes Romelle!" How petty does he think I am? How could we be lovers for so long with him holding these ridiculous ideas about me? "I'm saying 'I love you' because I do.”

Disbelief and hurt clear in his eyes, his shoulders sag, and Keith rolls off of me. Throwing himself on the ground at my side, he covers his eyes with his forearm.

In alarm, I sit up and reach for him. But then he speaks, and my arm falls uselessly to my side.

His quiet voice pours over me, each word a shard of pain. "I wish I could believe you. But every time we slept together, we cuddled close. And, while you dreamed, you'd clutch me tighter -- and call me 'Sven'. I'm tired of being second best."

With every word, I can feel tears building up in my eyes. I refuse to shed them. All this time, I thought Keith knew I loved him. Knew that the only reason why I couldn't say so was because I'd said so to Sven, and lost him. Instead... Keith's believed that I never stopped loving Sven. That he was only a poor substitute for Sven. All those nights, he was holding me, and I was carving out another little piece of his heart, numbing his ears until all he can hear from me is pain. Nothing I can say will move Keith. Not now. Maybe, not ever. Swallowing hard, I close my eyes, shuddering, unable to think of any way to make it right.

Allura's soprano interrupts my helpless castigations. Startled, I barely manage not to jump. I'd forgotten she was there.

"Keith. I think he really means it when he says he loves you."

Throwing his arm off, Keith moves into a sitting position with all his liquid grace -- grace he only shows when he forgets himself, like in bed.

Passion smoldering in his eyes, he traps Allura in his gaze. "Sure he does. As the best he can get, since Sven’s not available.” Shifting his body posture, somehow Keith manages to take on the aspect of an incubus. “I, on the other hand, do love you. And you want me because I'm me. And I want that. You think I should waste myself on him?"

Pain shreds me, even sharper than before. Not just for the words, or the way he can't even bring himself to say my name. But also because he’s looking at her with desire. Because he’s trying to make her desire him. Even more painful is that he told her he loves her. Something he’s never actually said to me, even though his “Haitao” I always took for an “I love you”...

Somehow, Allura manages to withstand the overwhelming force of Keith impassioned. A rare feat indeed for someone not used to him. Maybe Keith really ought to be with her... Then, the meaning of her words jolts me out of my misery and forces my attention to what she’s saying.

"You should take his words for truth. If what you saw was so clearly an embrace, and you couldn't make it back to your room in time to break down in privacy, then there's no way Lance could have gotten much farther with Sven then what you saw."

Keith opens his mouth.

Allura raises her hand, pain clearly growing larger inside her, yet still she manages to force the words out. "The mice just told me -- he was looking all over for you. He went to your room, his room, and then here. He couldn't have done all that, and made out with Sven. There just isn’t enough time. And for him to leave his reunion with Sven to look for you… He must really love you."

I'm watching speechless, breathless with hope. My mood swings from utter amazement at Allura's sacrifice to anxiety at Keith’s complete lack of reaction.

Allura's quivering voice grows even smaller. "Besides, don't I deserve to come first, sometime?"

Eyes closing, Keith slumps. I can see the walls he put up to protect himself crumbling with Allura’s pain-filled rejection. Scrubbing his face with his hands, he sighs. "Yes, Princess. You do." Turning toward me, he opens his eyes. Deep, recurring hurt resides in those black depths.

Carefully reaching out, trembling, I gently place my palms along his jaw. Time to try something else, something I'm not sure I can do properly. But I have to try. This may be the only way to make Keith understand.

Looking deeply into his eyes, I manage to murmur the proper passage before I lose command of my vocal cords. "You are my light. My beacon in dark despair. The stable land to my ever-changing sea. You are my life. You are my other half, the best part of me. You are mine." With every word, Keith's eyes widen, surprise and a dawning joy displacing the bone deep weariness.

"You...” Keith’s so stunned, he can't even frame the question, though his lips silently shape his pet-name for me and the love in those gorgeous black eyes is starting to overwhelm the despair.

I answer his unasked question, hope growing larger inside me. "You always called me ‘Haitao’, and I wanted to know why. When I figured it out…” Leaning closer to Keith, tilting my head up, I smile, trying to show the joy that realization brought me as well as my love for him. I have no words for those feelings, but it’s okay. Keith understands, finally. I become happily occupied by the lips that devour mine, and the hot body wrapped around me, and, most glorious of all, the whispered words of love slipping from Keith.

~~~

Quietly backing out, I leave the happy couple alone. Locking the library up securely, I can't help a bittersweet smile. Even though the heartache is almost overpowering, I'm sure I did the right thing. Keith and Lance belong together. If nothing else, I will always be able look at them and think, "I gave them the gift of each other."

I think my father would be proud of me.

~owari~

EndNote: Haitao = “Sea-wave” or “Tidal-wave” in Mandarin Chinese.