Morning Surprise
Todesengel's Version, Part 1



Todesengel: [cracks fingers] Right. So, a humorous, PWP, with no angst and the use of all the characters...I think I can do it.

Keith: Oh who are you kidding? You couldn't write humor if it came up and bit you on the arse.

Lance:...How does that relate to writing humor?

Keith: I don't know. I just wanted to say it.

Warning: This is probably going to be pure slapstick, and I _really_ like what JoAnn and Pheonix wrote. Hope my addition is amusing as theirs...

Standard Disclaimers Apply [Taryn's note: Actual real comprehensive disclaimer can be found at the end of part 2. Guess you'll just have to read first, ne?]

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The fight was, fortunately, short and sweet. Wasting no time with preliminaries, the Voltron Force brought out the big guns almost immedeately, scraping the latest attack in a short, brutal assault. The effect _was_ somewhat runied when the Black Lion almost flew into a mountain when disengaging, but all in all, it was rather impressive.

Back in the Control room, Lance was trying his hardest not to break out into a laughter that seemed to be hesitating between outright hysteria and genuine amusment. For some reason, the phrase "Damned women drivers" kept floating thorgh his head.

However, whatever amusment he was feeling was dampened by the expression on Keith's face. _He_ wasn't about to fogo his...recreation rights by pissing him, er, _her_ off right now. This sudden change in the dynamics of their realtionship had just so much potentional that was just aching to be tapped. Or perhaps it was just Lance that was aching to tap _it_.

Keith, however, wasn't thinking about sex at the moment. Today had certainly been one for the record books, starting with his mornig shower and...this. The revelation that Allura was at the least Bi hadn't been particuarliy comforting, either. What had happened in her bedroom had been more than slightly distrubing. Adding Hunk coping a feel, Pidge's rush for the bathroom once they had returned to the castle, and the truly uncomfortable clothing that had been forced upon his body in the name of propritey...well, suffice to say, Keithw as feeling a wee bit cranky.

*Jeez, this thing is uncomfortable.* Keith fidgited, trying to suruptitiously remove the wedgie that had formed while he had been piloting his lion, and complately unaware of the effect his movements had on the upper portions of his anatomy...as well as the hormone level of his team members. *How the hell does Allura wear all this stuff and still remain sane? Fifteen minutes, and I already want to burn every last article of clothing. I'm sure that Lance would enjoy that...hmm, maybe-*

The feeling of eight eyes staring focused intentely on his chest finally registered in Keith's brain and he snapped out of his reviere to meet the lust glazed gazes of Hunk, Coran, Allura and Lance. Suddenly even _more_ uncomfortable than he had been in the clothes, Keith blushed and defenseively crossed his arms across his rather...full attributes.

"Well, anybody have any ideas as to how we're going to reverse this situation?"

Shaking from their various daydreams of Keith's sudden expression of the female within, the three members of the Voltron team and Coran refocused back on the issue at hand...though not without varying degrees of regret.

"I don't think that there is anything we _can_ do right now, Keith. This sort of thing isn't exactly...common. We're going to have to do some reasearch, tell the Alliance about this development-" Coran was suddenly cut off by Keith's outraged shout.

"Tell the Alliance? Why? We don't have to tell the Alliance anything! All we need to do is go to Doom and beat the awnser out of Haggar! The Alliance never needs to know!"

"We can't keep something like this from the Alliance. Keith, we're not even sure that this _is_ Haggar's work. Her spells are usually less...delicate. Less subtle. For now, I think it's best if we inform the Alliance, and continue on as before."

Keith groaned, wishing that the ground would just open up and swallow him. "There goes my reputation."

Allura placed a comforting arm around Keith's shoulder, smiling gently at the young Captain. "There, there, Keith. I'm sure it won't be as bad as all that. However, seeing as you may be female for a while, I think that there are some things that you should learn. Such as how to apply a tampon."

Keith paled. "I think I'm going to be sick."

Allura smiled. "Just wait until you hear about the wonders of childbirth."

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Meanwhile, in the bowels of Castle Doom, Ranma Saotome heir to the Saotome School of Anything Goes martial arts, was having a hissy fit.

"I can't _believe_ that you lost an entire barrel of Nyannichuan! How can you lose an entire _barrel_? Now we'll _never_ turn Akane back into a female! Do you have _any_ idea just how much it's going to suck living in a house with a _tentacled_ Akane?" Ranma shuddered at the thought. Eight extra limbs meant eight extra mallets that would be used aginst his skull. "And where the hell are we!"

"How the hell should _I_ know? And it's pretty frickin' easy to lose a barrel when you're faced with a shriviled prune that makes Cologne look like a super model!" Ryoga Hibiki, nomadic martial arist and Ranma's wayward lover, glared at Ranma, two seconds away from decking him.

Ranma sighed and plopped unceremoniously down onto the dirt floor. "Well, I guess there's no help for it then. We'll just have to get it back."

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Meanwhile, above the dungeons in Haggar's labratory, Lotor was feeling pissy. And a pissy Lotor is not a pretty sight.

"Damn it, now Keith is going to even _more_ attarctive than I am," he whined. "It's not fair! _I'm_ the prettiest bishonenen! I am, I am, I am! I have the prettiest hair, and the coolest skin, the nicest clothes, and my eyes are _way_ better than Keith's! And I don't have _nearly_ as many corny lines as Keith does! Why doesn't everyone fall in love with _me_?"

"Because you're a psychotic mass murderer with grandiose delusions of power," Haggar replied patiently. "You're supposed to symbolize the beguiling exterior of evil and how the unwary can become entangled in the web of lies, deceit and illusions woven by those of dark intent. If you were the most attractive male cast member in the show, the whole moralistic lesson of staving off the temptations of sin would be lost."

"That still doesn't make it feel any better," Lotor mumbled sulkily. "Besides, I thought that that spell of yours was to make Keith _less_ desireable! Not turn him into some large breasted, raven haired, wetdream inducing-"

"Watch it. We still have censors. Besides, if _you_ hadn't rushed me, I could have put a repulsion spell on him as well. As it is, his charisma is too great for just changing his gender to be affected. We _could_ hope that the extreme shock of being changed into a female is going to cause him to snap and leave Arus defenseless. Or get all of the males in the castle thinking so much with their genitals that they won't be able to think of anything else." Haggar looked down at her watch. "Now go away. My soaps are on."

"Fine, fine! Leave me in my time of anguish for the badly acted UST of television!" Lotor pontificated melodramatically, then paused. "Hold on. You could get the same UST, and the same corny lines, and the same badly acted, unrealistic plot divices right here!" Lotor turned and prepared to stalk dramatically from Haggar's labratory."By the way, Keith's lack of outdoor plumbing _is_ going to be permanent, isn't it? Because he would make a good addition to my harem if it is..."

Haggar smacked her forehead. "D'oh! I _knew_ I forgot something."

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Keith: Do you think that you could possibly have written that worse?

Todesengel: Oh just shut up and get into that dress.

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Sighing wearily, Keith locked the door to the sole Japanese-styled bathroom in the entire Castle of Lions. He needed a long soak after today and didn't feel any particular need to share this moment of peace with anyone. He casually let his robe slip to the ground and slowly made his way to the bathing stool, still uncomfortable with the way all of his new body parts moved.

*Wish I could get rid of all the crap that's happened today that easily,* he mused. *Maybe I should have let Lance come in here with me anyway...At the very least I would have gotten a backrub...*

Keith scrubbed his hair harder, trying to stop the direction his thoughts were going in. He was uncomfortable _enough_ in this body without throwing sex into the mix. *Looks like we're both sworn to celibacy until this whole mess is figured out. There's no way that I'm going to sleep with _anybody_ in this body.*

Having rinsed the soap from his form, Keith slipped into the steaming furo, sighing as a tingle passed through his body. Leaning back, he rested his head against the slick tiles, tension slowly draining away.

*Strange...doesn't feel any different...I would have thoguht that my breasts would float...* Cracking one eye open Keith looked down at his form. And screamed for the second time that day.

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Lance: Celibacy? Nooooo!!!! That's a fate worse than being slashed with Zarkon!

Keith: Shut up, you idiot! Don't give him any ideas!

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Lance sat down and stared intently at Keith. "Okay, lets see if I got this straight. You were taking a bath and you just suddenly became...male again?"

The robe clad Keith nodded miserably from his seat on the couch, hands wrapped around his mug of coffee.

"And you don't know why or how it happened."

Ketih shook his head.

"And you're not _happy_ that this happened?"

Keith sighed. "I am. It's just...am I compleately male again? Or am I going to turn female at random? And if I _do_ turn female again, will I be able to become male?"

Lance sighed and rubbed his forehead. Just when he thought things couldn't possibly be more complicated, the Gods played a trick like this on him. "Fuck. Where's a plot hole when you need one?"

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On to Part 2 and the exciting conclusion!!

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