Little Red Riding Hood- Phoenix Style

by Phoenix


Disclaimer: I don't own Voltron (which is fortunate to everyone else).

Little Red Riding Hood – Phoenix Style


Once upon a time there lived a little girl...uhm, the name of Little Red Riding Hood because he always wore a red hood when he went out.


Keith: I DO NOT!! I refuse to be apart of this!

Phoenix: Yes ya do, and ya have no choice. Since ya don’t really exist union rules do not apply to you or the rest of the Voltron cast.



Anyway, Little Red Riding Hood (let’s call him Red for short) was on his way to Grandma’s house with a basket full of goodies.


Hunk: Excuse me.

Phoenix: *glares* What is it now?

Hunk: Doesn't it seem kinda dangerous for a little boy to be carrying goodies in a forest.

Phoenix: Ya're right. By the way, ya're the wolf.

Hunk: WHAT?!?!


Ok, Red was carrying a basket full of ammunition and his trusty pistil when a huge and ugly wolf jumped out in front of him.


Keith: Can I shoot him?

Phoenix: NO!!

Hunk: Thanks… the way, I AM NOT UGLY!!

Phoenix: *sigh*


Ok,.....a huge and surprisingly handsome wolf....


Phoenix: Is that better?

Hunk: Yes, MUCH better.

Keith: I can't believe this!


....jumped in front of him. "Where are you going with that basket of.....ammo, Red?" asked Hunk.

"I am going to my Grandma's house to.........


Keith: Why AM I going to my Grandma's with a bunch of ammo?

Phoenix: Uhm,.....she likes target practice. She wants to improve her aim for the next Grandma Shoot Out in the Olympics.

Keith: That's ridiculous!!

Phoenix: Oh, Allura is your grandma.

Keith: O.O

********** give her some more ammo for shooting practice. She is going to be the next gold medalist in the Olympics!" Keith replied. *huge sweatdrop*

"Really, well you better hurry on your way. We don't want your Grandma to get trigger happy." With that the huge and handsome wolf ran off.

However, unknown to Red, the wolf ran ahead and took the short cut to Grandma's house. Reaching her house, the wolf knocked on the door.

"Who is it?" a voice called out.

"It's me, Red." Hunk replied smacking his lips together.


Hunk: WHOA!! I REFUSE to eat Allura. She probably tastes disgusting anyway.

Allura: HEY!!

Phoenix: Ya have a point there. Hmm......just stuff her in a trunk.


When Grandma opened the door, the huge and handsome wolf rushed in and stuffed her in a trunk. He then quickly jumped into Grandma's bed just before Red knocked on the door. "Come in!"

Red skipped toward Grandma's bed.


Keith: SKIPPED?!?

Hunk: *laughs* And you do it SO well!!

Phoenix: *grabs gun from Keith* I said ya could NOT shoot him! And quit messing with your skirt!

Keith: I can't help it!! I have this MAJOR wedgie!!


"How are you doing today, Grandma?" Keith asks while messing with his wedgie.

"Much better now that you are here." Hunk replies while putting his hand under Keith's skirt to "help" him out.



Hunk: Why did you do that for?"

Phoenix: Because I would like to finish this story before the mailing list starts sending me hate mail for never posting or finishing a story. *changes Keith's skirt to pants*

Keith: Thanks!! Talk about torture wearing that skirt.

Phoenix: Don't tell Todesengel. He might get some ideas.

Keith: *slaps head* Damn!


"Why Grandma what big eyes you have!" Keith exclaimed.

Hunk smiled. "The better to see you with my dear."

"And Grandma what a big nose you have!"

"The better to smell the......gunpowder with my dear."

"What big teeth you have!"

"The better to give you a hickie with my dear."


Phoenix: O.O *blinks* Hey, I can work with that!



With that the huge and handsome wolf jumped out of the bed and chased Red around the house.


Keith: Why am I running?

Hunk: That's what I would like to know!

Phoenix: *sigh* Just do it!


....around the house. Suddenly the door burst open and in came...


Allura: ME!!

Phoenix, Keith, and Hunk: *blink* WHAT?!?!

Allura: Just go with it ok!

Phoenix: *shrug* Why not. This story is getting screwer and screwer by the second.


....came Grandma, who somehow got out of the locked and chained trunk (Don't ask).

"The only person who is going to give my Red a hickie is ME!!" Allura yelled.


Keith: *gags* I think I am going to stick with Broken Wings. It's safer!

Allura: HEY!!

Phoenix: *snicker*


Both Red and the huge and handsome wolf stop in shock. "But we are related." Keith says.

"So, haven't you ever heard of incest?" Allura asks.

"Now what just a minute! I am the one who is going to do it!" Hunk shouts.

Suddenly the door burst open (again) and in came the Hunter! "NO!! I get to do it!" Lance states.


Lance: Ooh. I could get to like this!

Allura and Hunk glare at the author.

Phoenix: Hey, the hunter just happens to be in the actual fairy tale. I have to at least keep some of the facts in this fic.

Keith: *rolls eyes* This is insane!

Phoenix: Of course! That is why the title is "Little Red Riding Hood - Phoenix Style".


Grandma, the Hunter, and the huge and handsome wolf start arguing over had the right to give Red the hickie. Red, not sure what to do, decides to exit the scene posthaste and sits outside on the porch.

"Hey Red. What's up?"

Red looks up to see Little Boy Blue dressed in black leather and sitting on a black Harley winking at him.


Pidge: Uh....Little Boy Blue is not a character in Little Red Riding Hood.

Phoenix: I have already included all the actual characters in the story. Now I can add whatever I want. *sticks out tongue*

Pidge: *shrug* Ok, whatever.

Phoenix: Just be glad ya got a part!


"Who are you?" asks Keith.

"I am Little Boy Blue." Pidge replies. "Do you want to come 'blow my horn'?"

Red's eyes light up. "Sure!" Keith replies. He hops onto Blue's bike, and they drive off into the sunset.....Happily Ever After!



Hunk, Lance, and Allura: HEY!!! We didn't get ANYTHING!!

Pidge: I DID!! FINALLY!!

Keith: Hey, I am not done with you yet! *drags Pidge into Phoenix's bedroom*

Phoenix: Now wait just a minute! *shrugs and pulls out camera with an evil grin* Anyone want pictures?

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