Richard O' Brien and WEP disclaimers apply
The setting: Somewhere on Planet Earth, Halloween night. Prince Lotor and Princess Allura are newly engaged and lost on Earth, home planet of a Voltron Force member with a secret . . .
(Fade in on Lotor and Allura, shocked at the sight of Earthlings having a costume party. They're lost and confused and can't find their way out of the local VFW Hall.)
Allura: It seems so unhealthy here!
Lotor: It's just a party, Allura.
Allura: Well, I want to go!
Lotor: Well, we can't go anywhere until I find fuel for my ship! (They continue to back out of the room; meanwhile a mysterious figure approaches them from behind, tapping out a rhythm with one high-heeled shoe.)
Allura: Well, then, ask a veteran or someone!
Lotor: Just a moment, Allura. We don't want to interfere with their celebration.
Allura: This isn't the Junior Space Academy, Lotor!
Lotor: They're obviously aliens with ways of their own. They may do some more . . . folk dancing.
Allura: Look, I'm cold, I'm wet, and I'm just plain scared!
Lotor (hoping she's as wet as she says): I'm here. There's nothing to worry about.
(Allura turns around and, seeing the stranger, screams and faints. She recognizes those dark eyes, that black hair! Keith, in heavy eyeshadow and dark red lipstick, starts to sing):
How do you do, I
Oh, of course you know my
Faithful best friend Lance
(He grins lasciviously at Lance, then walks up to Lotor.)
Lotor (aside): Bob's fic was way too influential.
Keith: He's just a little brought down because
When you knocked
He knew I'd like to get in your pants
(Lotor's jaw drops, as Keith is clearly mentally undressing him. Keith then struts out into the center of the room, black cape wrapped around himself)
Keith: Well I'm already out
In Bob's book
But I have another secret to uncover
I'm just a pilot by the light of day
But by night I'm one hell of a lover
(Lance grins and nods in agreement. Keith flings off his cape to reveal black women's lingerie, down to his thigh-high stockings and a string of pearls around his neck. Hands on his hips, he wiggles around and shouts):
I'm just a sweet transvestite
In Galaxy Garrisuh-huh-hun
(Keith prances back toward Lotor and Allura)
Keith: Let me show you around
As long as your ship's still on the ground
You can both really get to know me
My lines used to be dismal (He pushes them back into the room.)
My lack of character was abysmal
But this isn't Y-7 TV.
Lotor: I'm glad we caught you here (He follows Keith to the water cooler)
Could we use your radio gear?
We're both in a bit of a hurry (He puts his arm around Allura, wondering if he's going to get any tonight.)
Allura (chiming in): Right. (In an aside): He's always in a hurry.
'Allura, hurry up and get undressed, darling--'
Lotor: We'll just say where we are
Although my ship is quite far
We don't want to be any worry
(Keith has been shaking hands with his guests; he throws his cup and turns back to Lotor and Allura.)
Keith: Your ship got caught without gas
Well, how 'bout that?
Well, Smurfie, don't you panic
By the next time we fight it'll all seem all right
I'll get you a galactic mechanic
(Keith marches up the steps to his "throne" and with hands on hips shakes his rear, Hunk doing the same thing beside him.)
Keith: I'm just a sweet transvestite
In Galaxy Garrisuh-huh-hun
(Lance and Pidge join him and stand with Hunk behind his chair; Keith sits down, legs dangling over the arm of the chair.)
Keith: Why don't you stay for the night
Lance (whispers): Night
Keith: Or maybe . . . a bite
Hunk (thinking he's about to get a meal): Bite (He licks his lips.)
Keith: I could show you my favorite . . . obsession
I dream of a man
With white hair and a blue tan
I bet he could relieve my tension
Lotor: That's it. I'm outta here.
Keith: I'm just a sweet transvestite (He gets up from his chair.)
In Galaxy Garrisuh-huh-hun
(He spanks himself and starts really getting down.)
Hey! Hey! I'm just a sweet transvestite
(He walks down the steps as his guests sing): Sweet transvestiiiiiite!
Keith: In Galaxy . . .
Guests and Keith: Garrisuh-huh-hun
(Keith parades rights between Lotor and Allura and back out into the hall.)
Lotor: You are one sick puppy, Akira.
Keith: So come up to the next floor
And I can show you my sword
I see you shiver with antici . . .
(Allura, eyes wide, anxiously awaits him to finish)
Keith: . . . Pation!
(She breathes a sigh of relief.)
Keith: I used to be lame
Lotor (aside): Now he's borderline-insane
Keith: These writers are the cause . . .
(Keith laughs seductively, and Allura smiles. Lotor glares at her.)
Keith: And this fic is the symptom!
(He disappears as his guests cheer him.)