I want to be everything you need.
I tried my best, goddammit. I poured my heart and soul into you last night, hell, I tried to show you what it all meant, but there was no ignoring the distracted look in your eyes, the lackluster way you returned my affection.
It’s not fair. We waited so long for this. I pined for this. I saved myself for last night.
I’m hard as a damn rock, for god’s sake, watching you undress and get in the shower. Look at me, look at this. Just turn around and look at how fucking aroused I am. We both know I can’t hide it- hey, I’m not a subtle guy.
But you don’t look at me. In fact, you’re ignoring me on purpose. Why?
Where in the hell did it all go? Just last week I caught you getting dressed, and we both blushed like teenagers. Fuck. I keep forgetting you are a teenager. Doesn't change the fact that I just about had to go back and change my fucking shorts.
Can’t you see, Pidge, that I love you? So what in the fuck is wrong with that? Why in the hell do I end up, after all these years of longing, being your cheap-ass one-night stand? If I wanted that, I would have gone downtown a long, long time ago, instead of retreating up to my room at night and digging out that magazine with you and Keith and Sven and beating my meat like a fucking retarded chimpanzee. Stupid me. I thought you wanted something more, something deeper than those perversions you and Sven and the others shared. So I saved it for you. I saved it for us. We were supposed to be perfect, dammit!
And now it turns out those perversions have poisoned you. Yeah, I know all about your black leather and your collars and your dildos and your chains, and all those fancy techniques they taught you, when you should have been learning about how to play baseball or collecting stamps or something. You’re caught up in the glamour and the trappings, and you’re disappointed in what I have to offer you. Stability. Dependability. Constancy. Reality.
Love.
I’d let you tie me up, Pidge, if that’s what it took. Might not get my rocks off, but I’m willing to do anything just to see those hazel eyes spark up with some life the way they did last night right before I kissed you for the first time. I could even learn to like it, given some time to adjust. Might take me a while, I’m not too swift on some things, but I’m willing to accommodate you. I’m that committed.
I’m willing to let you show me what you need.
You just gotta tell me.
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