Lance closed his eyes, thinking back to when he, Keith, and Lance had been roomates at the Space Academy. Keith had been away...for what Lance had long forgotten. He had been alone with Sven. He had been happy, for without Keith it was at least a little less crowded. He remembered it had been a Saturday night, but neither of them had had dates, so they were alone in their room...
Sven was studying his english book, frowning. Lance knew that his friend often found english confusing, and couldn't help but laugh is Sven accidentally slipped back into his native language while speaking.
Lance himself was slumped in a chair, chewing his pen and glaring at his chemistry text. Occasioanlly he caught Sven looking at him, and undefineable look in his eyes. Something between desire and resignation. Finally, Lance asked him what was bothering him.
"Dach," he said, "Notink." and looked away.
"C'mon, I know something's bothering you."
"Et's notink. Vreelly."
"Sven..." Lance growled sternly, an emotion uncharacteristic of him.
"I...vell...Lance...der ees sumtink I vant to dew, bot I don't tink yew vill like eet."
Lance shrugged nonchalantly, "Try me."
Without a word, Sven stood, and, gripping Lance's shoulders firmly, kissed him full on the lips. Lance jerked himself free and backed up, shock and disgust prominent on his features. "What the hell..." he muttered, wiping his mouth on his hand. Sven was slumped in a chair, head in hands, obviously ashamed at what he'd done.
"Christ, Sven, what did you do that for?!" Lance almost shouted, glaring fiercely at his roommate.
"I...I...I...didn't...I yust...I...I deedn't men to hurt yew...I..."
"The hell you did!" Lance snarled, and struck Sven in the face, hard. He felt warm wetness smear his fist. Sven was knocked backward by the blow, and slowly he stood up, blood dripping from his half-open mouth. A ghastly, forlorn loneliness shone in his eyes.
"Get outta here, faggot." Lance snapped bitterly.
Sven turned and walked away, out of the room, hoping no one saw the blood and got nosy. There was a chill in the night air. This was understandable, as it was mid-October. He walked down to the park, which was not far from school, and sat down heavily on one of the benches. His shoulders slumped. An icy breeze blew by, causing him to shiver, and the hairs on the back of his neck to rise. Sven stared down at his hands, tears blurring his vision. Lance hadn't needed to get so mad. Now both his heart and his jaw ached. "Vhy deedn't he understand?" Sven thought, "I yust...oh god, vhat have I done?" Eventually, the young man fell asleep, shivering, tears running moist tracks down his cheeks.
Lance, however, after stadning seething for a time, finally returned to his studying. Or at least he tried. He just couldn't shake the fact that somehow, he's enjoyed that kiss. But it was wrong! To love another man was just...wrong! He didn't know how exactly, or why, but he knew. His conflicting thoughts tormented him until he too retired to bed and fell asleep.
When Lance awoke, he realized suddenly what he had done. He had sent away a good friend. He'd kicked him out, and god only knew where he was now. Guilt ate away at his gut, despite his attempts to drown it with coffee. He knew he had to find Sven, and apologize. It didn't matter that the man was gay, he was one of Lance's best friends, and Lance knew that it was wrong as well to strike a friend. He'd been brought up to treat others with respect, 'And,' he thought to himself, 'What I did to Sven was a fair ways from respectful.' He ran his hands through his mussed hair and sighed heavily.
"Hey, buddy, wake up." Sven heard the voice through a hze, and felt a heavy hand upon his shoulder, shaking him.
"Ungh?" he murmured, lifting his head and blinking sleep from his eyes, "Vhat?"
"Sorry, buddy, morning. Y'all gotta move on."
The source of the voice was a thick statured man, with white hair and a wide, friendly smile on his wizened old face.
"Ja, ja. I'll be guhn soon."
The smiling man nodded and patted Sven's shoulder.
"Well, if y'all need a place to stay, I 'spose I could put ya' up."
"Huh. How lung kold yew stand me?"
The smiling man laughed and smiled wider. "Aw, I'm a good guy, I think I could stand ya'."
Sven returned the smile and sat up. Maybe this wasn't so bad, after all? "Tank yew. I vould very much like a place to stay for a time."
The man, still smiling, chuckeld and offered Sven his hand. Sven accepted, and found himself hauled to his feet. "Oh...I..hef not eentroduced meiself. I em Sven."
"Nice to meet y'all, Sven. I'm Bill."
Sven nodded. "Et es nice to meet yew as vell."
They caught a ride to Bill's "house", a rather run down, but homey, apartment. Sven stood near the doorway, feeling rather awkward.
"Aw, don't be shy..Sven, was it?"
"Ja."
"C'mon, I'll see if I can rustle up some coffee."
Sven made his way to Bill's "kitchen", a small niche in the corner. Looking about, he saw that the walls were covered with photographs, posters, and such, memories of a long, full life. Sven pulled out a chair from the small table and sat down. "I cahn't stay lung," he said, "I hef to get bak to de Academy."
Bill came over, and set two mugs of coffee on the table. "Oh. Y'all are one of the students there, huh? What'er ya' doin' sleepin' on a park bench, then?"
Sven turned away, head hung. "I...I deed sometink...my room-met got angry vith me, und I left."
"Oh, that's too bad." Bill replied, genuine sympathy in his eyes, "Not be nosy, but what did you do that got yer' pal riled up enough to knock ya' like that?" he asked, motioning to the blood on Sven's face. "I...vell..." Sven sighed, "I keesed him."
"Oh, well, then I 'spose it's understandable why he hit ya'."
Sven nodded, and Bill caught the glimmer of tears in his eyes. "Hey, hey, s'okay," said the older man, "I'll bet ya' he'll have simmered down by the time y'all get back."
"Ahr yew sure?"
"No, but I can bet." Bill grinned, and Sven managed a weak smile. "Do y'all want to talk about it?"
"Alvright."
Lance awoke suddenly from a dream. It was a dream he had often, he was ashamed to admit. One that pleased and disturbed him. He dreamt of lying in Sven's arms, tasting his warm lips, making love to him. And enjoying it. It scared him, that he dreamt of such unorthodox things...but the dreams were pleasurable, and Lance found a sort of carnal comfort as he slept. He knew he still had to find Sven. Even as part of his mind insisted it couldn't be true, another part, which grew strong every day, said it must be. He loved Sven. Time and time again he told himself it wasn't true...but now...after Sven had kissed him...a powerful, if small, longing arose from deep within his gut. He had tried desperately to deny it, had struck Sven and kicked him out, but no matter how hard he tried, it didn't go away. He hauled himself wearily to his feet, stretched and yawned. He made his way to the door, grabbing his jacket and pulling it on. He strode down the deserted hallway, head hung as he stepped into the frigid October air. He walked down to the park, remembering that it was one of Sven's favourite places. Wandering down a path, he caught sight of something glimmering on a bench. Filled with something akin to hope, he jogged over to see what it was. It was a small, brass medallion, with an old fashioned coat of arms enameled on it. Lance remembered that it was Sven's. Sven had told him that the crest had been his family's for over 15 generations, and that he always kept it with him to remind him of his family. Lance gripped the small trinket tightly, eyes closed, muttering a silent prayer. Sven had been here. He felt a pang in his gut. He knew where his friend had been, but not where he was now. Still clutching the medallion, Lance rose and turned to go. Then he noticed a shrewd-looking bag lady rattling by with her shopping cart. 'She lives in the park,' He thought, 'perhaps she's seen him?'
"Excuse me," He ventured.
The old lady stopped and looked at him, eyes glittering out from the wrinkly folds of her skin.
"Yeah? Whut?" She replied.
"Umm..." He said, feeling rather uncomfortable, "Did you by any chance see a man around here last night, about 5' 10", dark hair and eyes?"
"Yeah, I've seen him. Handsome feller. You're wastin' your time lookin' for him here, he left with Old Bill about two hours ago."
"Old Bill?" He queried.
"Aw, he's just a guy who clears the homeless outta here in the morning. Yer' friend's lcuky if Ol' Bill found him."
"Could you tell me where he lives?"
The old lady grumbled but rummaged through her belongings obligingly. Finally she came up with a greasy scrap of paper. She handed it to him.
"Thank you, very, very much," Lance said, smiling.
"Yeah, now get on with ya." She grunted, and continued trundling along down the path.
Lance looked down at the bit of paper in his hand. This would require a bus, as the address was far across town. Sighing, but still hopeful, Lance walked down to the bus stop.
When Sven had finished, he slumped his shoulders in a rather defeated posture. Bill clapped a hand on his shoulder in his usual friendly manner.
"Wow," He breathed, "that's some story, son."
"Ja."
"Don't worry. Maybe he's out looking for y'all right now" "I doubt dat, but tank yew."
Bill smiled.
Lance stood, looking up at the tall, foreboding apartment complex before him. He squared his shoulders. 'Here goes nothing,' he thought. After traveling up a few flights of stairs, and two detours, he arrived at Old Bill's door. He took a deep breath, and rang the bell.
Bill glanced up at the sound.
"I'll be right back..." He muttered to Sven, and went to open the door.
"Yes?" he asked the young man before him.
Lance heard Bill but did not reply. When Sven had seen who was at the door, he had risen and come over to stand behind Bill.
"Sven..." Lance murmured.
Bill stepped aside, and Sven came forward to wrap his friend in a gentle embrace.
"I love you." Lance whispered, and, lifting his head, kissed Sven warmly.
"I know."
"I love you, Sven. I'll be there when you cry...when you smile...I'll be there forever, no matter what. I love you, and I'll never let you go."
Sven tightened his grip on his friend, his eyes filled with tears.
"I luf yew...'
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