Standard Disclaimers Apply [Comprehensive disclaimer can be found at the end]

Lance looked up towards where the sky would have been if he hadn't been inside. "I _said_ where's a plot hole when you need one?"

The floor suddenly exploded in a burst of very sharp and potentially deadly cloud of concrete shards. Lance yelped and dived behind the couch. Keith just blinked. He'd reached the point were nothing was going to phase him. After all, in just one day he'd lost Mr. Happy (without the use of surgery), found him again, and been hit on by Allura in _female_ form. The only thing that could really surprise him now would be if Coran came in cracking a whip.

\\The author paused for a second as he contemplated that thought. He shook his head. "Hmm...There's a plot hole."

"Would you get on with it?"Ryoga looked up at the author with annoyance. Seeing the hesitation in the author he grumbled, "besides, you've already done that."

"Oh yeah." The author's hand snapped up. "For the honor and the glory of the Rhineland-" The author forced his hand back down and blushed. "Oops. Wrong story."//

Keith sweat dropped as the author turned his focus back on the sex-changing captain. Miraculously the sharp little shards had all missed him--there _was_ something to be said about being the hero. Uh, the heroine. Um...protagonist.

"Where the hell am I now?" The voice that cried out was filled with anguish. It was the sort of anguish that could only come from those who have been to hell. It was the anguish of those who were written into "Broken Wings". It was the anguish of those who waited for updates. It had taken Keith _years_ to perfect that angusih. Knowing that someone felt the same as he--felt it enough to allow such perfection of that anguish to fill his voice--made him want to see who could share in his dispair. Keith stood up, leaving a perfect outline of his body on the shrapnel covered couch. He walked to the hole in the floor and peered down at the dark haired boy with the tiger-stripped headband in a mustard colored shirt and black pants--who seemed to be standing in mid-air. The maids were all looking up at his rear with slightly befuddled lust.

Keith squatted at the hole. "Can I help you?"

The boy pulled himself up out of the hole. "Yeah, could you tell me where I am?"

"The Castle of Lion on Planet Arus. Who are you and how did you get past the castle defenses?"

Lance emerged from behind the couch and looked at Keith in befuddlement. "Keith, we don't _have_ a castle defence."

"Yeah we do! What do you call that string of cans around the permieter?" Keith replied defensively. Lance just groaned at the lameness of the author.

"Name's Ryouga Hibiki," the boy said. "And I think that I'm your plot hole.

"Or the author is going in for a threesome," Lance commented.

Keith turned on Lance. "Don't give him any ideas!" he hissed.

"Oh come on, you have to admit that he has a realy, really nice ass," Lance shot back. "_I_ wouldn't mind getting it on. And look at the muscles on him. Bet he's hung like a horse and shags like a minx."

"Does the word 'mongomy' have _any_ meaning for you?" Keith asked exasperated. A soft thud followed his words.

"Well, it's a moot point. I think he's fainted." Lance walked over the prone form and prodded it with his foot. "Look, he had a nose bleed."

Keith groaned. It was going to be _impossible_ to get those bloodstains out of the carpet.

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Comercial Break: An obvious mock up house, with Haggar standing over a huge red stain on a nice, white carpet. Enter Lotor, dressed as a salesman.

Lotor: Do _you_ have problems with blood stains? Keep forgetting to put down plastic when sacraficing to your gods? [Haggar nods] Well, no longer! Thanks to Blood-be-gone (tm), all your stain troubles will be a thing of the past! Using new stain removing technology, Blood-Begone removes chicken blood, pigs blood, goats blood and yes, even human blood.

Haggar: I used to have to stragetically position my furniture whenever I had compnay come over. No longer. Now I never have to worry about my friends commenting on those embarassing blood stains ever again! Thanks Blood-Begone! [Smiles (or at least as much as Haggar can smile) and flashes a victory smile)]

Lotor: Get _your_ Blood-Begone today. Just $9.99.

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After reviving the wandering boy, Lance, Keith and Ryouga sat down for the gratuitous explaning period.

"Okay, now that we've figured out that we're _not_ going to be having a threesome-"

//"At least not in this part," the author commented to the three bishonen. "Amy? Think you're up to writing a lemon for me?"\\

"--what the hell is going on?!" Keith asked in fine, melodramatic form.

"Well, lets see...My boyfriend and I were on our way back to our home in Japan with a keg of magical water that turns people into girls, because his finace--who he _still_ hasn't gotten rid of--got turned into a squid-woman hybrid, which would have given him the perfect excuse to just up and leave if he hadn't been so damned honorable. Anyway, I was driving the car, because he was, um, tired," Ryouga blushed, "when there was this really, really, really ugly looking lady- -I mean, she mad _Cologne_ look half-decent--and this dude with long white hair and blue skin and the next thing we know is we're in the dungeons, sans keg, and trying to figure how to get out of there. Then I go off to relive myself and suddenly I'm here."

Keith looked at Ryouga, confused out of his mind. "And how the hell does that relate to _this_?"

"Oh. Right. Um, basically, you've been cursed. Cold water turns you into a woman, hot water turns you back into a man. Observe." Ryouga pulled a pail of water and a tea-kettle from the same place that Akane gets her hammers and Heero puts his guns. He threw the bucket of water at Keith, changing him into a female. Keith spluttered in annoyance, his robe falling open as his chest swelled. Lance's pants swelled as well. Ryouga then poured the contents of the kettle on Keith, deflating his chest and leaving him peering out from a soggy curtin of hair.

"Ahh! Shit, that water's boiling!"

"Um yeah. It usually is," Ryouga sighed. "Just be glad that you don't turn into a pig."

Lance looked at his soggy lover, then back at Ryouga. "That is so cool! How much does it take to change him?"

"Not much. We've figured out that about a cup of water poured on the head should do it--but that only works if you pour it on the head. Standing up to about your waist changes it otherwise."

"Great." Lance pulled out two water guns, a lavascious grin on his face. "Oh Kei~th."

"No. Lance, stop. Not now, please." Ketih backed away, hands raised in weak defense. Ryouga looked away, hiding a smirk behind his hand. Lance aimed the cold water water-gun. His finger tightened on the trigger...

Far below, in the kitchen, Hunk looked up from his fifth tub of ice cream, wondering if Keith was _ever_ going to stop screaming. tbc...eventually.

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Keith was _not_ a happy camper when he woke up the next morning. In fact, he was sore in places that he never knew he _could_ be sore. On the other hand, he _was_ in a better condition than Lance at the moment. Glaring at his bound and gagged (and very perverted) lover--who was sporting a rather impressive lump on his forehead where Keith had smacked him with a baseball bat--

\\The author looked at the other list members. "What were _you_ thinking that Keith was sore from?"

Lance cracked an eye open and glared at the author. "Why am _I_ being abused? I thought you only abused Keith!"

Keith twirled the baseball bat and grinned back at him. "Todi has been reading "Downward Spiral" again. He's been getting some ideas. Besides, I told you we were going to be practicing celibacy until this is cured."

"I can speak for myself, thanks," the author said. "Now, get back in the fic. This aside's been going on too long."//

--and entered the shower. Turning the hot water knob on as high as possible--turning into a woman first thing in the morning was _once_ was still one time too many--Keith disrobed and stepped into the shower. The spray of cold water hit him and he screamed. Again. Thinking as he did so: "Now I know how Allura feels."

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The breafast meeting was a little strained (in more ways than one) as the males of the team tried not to look at the rather interesting bulges in Keith's skin tight uniform. That Keith had moved up to Nuclear Holocoust Death Glare (tm) did help to deflate some of the less stalwart male memebers, but sadly didn't work on Lance--or Allura for that matter, who was in grave danger of drooling.

"Why is there no hot water?" Keith asked, dangerously calm.

"Well, uh, the hot water heater was turned off, and the knob to turn it back on is missing," Pidge replied, sweatdropping as Keith turned his glare on the small boy.

"And why is there no coffee, or some other source of hot water?"

"The central heating system has been turned off and the box has been fused together so we can't get to it," replied an equally pissed off Hunk who wanted a good hot meal, instead of the cold ceral that was currently available for consumption.

"It must have been sabatoged somehow," Allura replied sweetly, hiding a portable blow torch behind her back and pushed the missing heater knob under her dress. "I think Lotor did it."

"Lotor." A dangerous gleam came into Keith's eyes. "For the injury you have done to me, for the removal of my hot water, I _swear_ that you will pay!"

Lightening crackled in the background. The rest of the team didn't look that impressed. Keith looked at them with worried eyes. "What? What was wrong with that?"

"The lightening was a little over the top," Coran said. "I'll allow that you aren't used to melodramatic ranting, but still, you could have done better."

"I'm afraid that you'll only score about an eight," Lance added.

"Oh. Okay, let me try that again." Keith struck a more dramatic pose. "Lotor, for the wrongs that you have bestowed upon me, for the evils that you have wrought, for the destruction of my hot water, I swear by the most holy that you _shall_ be destroyed!" Keith broke the pose and looked anxiously at the others. "How was that?"

"Much better," Coran said.

"Oh, good. Now, to the Lions!" The control podium sprang up and and Keith ran to it. The others watched her--or rather his chest--as she ran. Senseing that the others weren't following her Keith stopped and turned around. An exasperated sigh escaped her lips and she glared at them. Unfortunately for Keith they were all too far gone for the glare to penatrate their lust fogged brains. Swallowing her pride, Keith decided to do something that she never thought she would have to do.

"Whoever manages to get Lotor for me will get--" Keith twisted her face in distatste, "--some nookie."

\\"I can't belive I just said that!" Keith groused. The author was too far gone with giggling to respond.//

Hearing the magic word, the entire team rushed for the tubes that would take them to their lions, each swearing that _they_ would be the ones to recive the nookie. Keith trailed behind them, consoling himself with the thought that a leader sometimes has to make rather grave sacrafices for the good of the team.

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Getting into Castle Doom was far easier than had been expected. All Keith had had to do was hack into the monitors and flash the guards on duty. They had quickly passed out from severe nosebleeds. Landing the lions, the Voltron Force quickly stormed the castle, each desiring to have Keith's nookie bestowed upon them.

\\Keith looked at the author in worry. "Um, Todesengel? I think you're having too much fun with that word."

"What word?" Todesengel asked innocently.

"Nookie," Keith said with a perfectly straight face.

Todesengel collapsed back into insanse giggling.//

Upon reaching Lotor's quarters, they were greeted with a most unpleasent sight: Haggar in a suimsuit. Fortuneately for everyone invovled, it was a one of those old-fashioned bathing suits, where you actually wear less when you're dressed normally. Pidge, whose young mind was unable to process the horror which greeted his eyes, fainted. The rest, who were all old enough to have gone through the Alliance "Desensitizing Course to Withstand Psycholoical Torture" were able to maintian consciousness.

"Ahh!" Haggar screamed, and attempted to cover her fully clothed body with her hands. "What are you doing here?"

"I want this curse removed, old witch," Keith growled.

"Sorry, don't know how. I just tossed the stuff on you, I don't know how to get rid of it." Haggar shrugged and gave an obligitory cackle.

"You mean you actually had to physically apply the stuff?" Lotor commented from a stool where he had been staring at Haggar's swimsuit clad body in an attempt to twist him mind into an ever deeper level of insanity. Haggar nodded.

Lance turned on Keith. "Why didn't you wake up when you got splashed?"

Keith looked down abashadly, and scuffed the carpet with her foot. "I thought I just rolled into the wet spot." The other people in the room gagged.

"Keith, somethings you keep to yourself," Hunk grumbled. "Damn, I think I just lost my appetite."

"It's a minor miracle!" Lance cried.

Lotor hopped off of his stool and approched Keith. "So you're really female." Keith nodded. Lotor reached out a hand and squeezed one of Keith's breasts.

\\"HONK!!" said the author, who couldn't help himself.

BAM! went the sound effect as Keith punched the author.//

Lotor grinned. "So, how about joining my harem?" Lotor asked, hand still on Keith's breast, not realizing that Keith was so enraged that she couldn't speak.

"No way! Keith is joining _my_ harem! Now I get the best of both worlds!" Allura shouted. Lotor looked at Allura in confusion.

"Huh?"

"I'm a lesbian--or at least bi--Lotor. And now that Keith is multi-sexed, I can have _both_ sides of him!" Allura began to laugh manically.

"Wait, you like girls?" Allura nodded. "So, if I turned into a female you'd have me?" Allura nodded again. Lotor turned to Haggar. "Quickly, old witch, fetch me the rest of that water! I'll finally have my princess!" Haggar cackled and rushed off.

"Lotor. Take your hand off of my brest. Now," Keith said, having reached the emotional plateu of homocidal calm.

Lotor looked down at his offending hand, than leered back up at Keith. "I think it's fine where it is."

"Then, prepare to die." Keith whipped out a gun from somewere on her skin-tight suit. Allura ran in front of him and shielded Lotor with her body.

"Keith! What do you think you're doing! This is the soon-to-be-woman that I love!" She suruptitoiusly copped a feel.

The team sweatdropped.

\\The author sweatdropped as well. "Oy. I think I've just written myself into a corner. I need another plot hole."

Ranma pipped up from the dungeon, "Hey, Todes, as much as I like the whole bondage thing and all, d'you think you could get on with it?"

The author grinned. "One plot hole coming up."//

Ranma blinked as he suddenly emerged from the dungeons. "What the hell?"

Ryouga, who had miraculously appeared beside him, shrugged. "I think it's your turn to be the plot hole."

"Oh. Ok." Sriking the most impressive pose he could think of (Kuno Tatewaki, Pompous Ass #5 to be precise) and spoke.

"Halt," spake he, "there shall be no bloodshed in this fic." Ranma turned to the female Keith. "Look, all you need to do is go jump in another pool. Than, you'll have a different curse."

"Fine. Than take me to the one that'll turn me back into a man," Keith growled. Ranma embarssedly put his hand behind his head.

"Um, there isn't one. You're going to have to crete one. You know, find some guy who looks enough like you and almost drown 'im," he said, with an embarassed chuckle.

"Really." Keith's eyes took on a dangerous glint. "I think I know the perfect person to drown." He turned his gaze on Lotor. Lotor eeped and in a swirl of Super-Chibi-Poweder (tm), turned into a chibi.

----------------------------------------------------------------- Several years later, in the Jusenkyo province of China...

SPLASH!

"Oh no, very bad sir. You fall in spring-of-chibi-blue-skinned-white-haired-prince," the round chinise guide said.

Duo looked down at the chibi-Lotor that had taken the place of his lover. His eyes turned into huge limpid pools. "Kawaii!" he exclaimed.

Chibi-Lotor Heero glared up at the suddenly larger Duo. "Omae o korosu."

End.

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Keith: Thank God that's over with.

Lance: I don't know. I kind of like the idea of you turning into Lotor. Then I get _every_thing!

Keith: Lance no baka! (pulls out a giant hammer)

Lance: (eyes wide) Where'd you get _that_ from?

Keith: Let's just say that I've been talking to Akane. (proceeds to pound Lance)

-Todesengel (who's probably going to get hell for this) ~_^

Full Disclaimer: Voltron is all its varied incarnations is currently the property of World Events Productions. Ranma 1/2 is the creation Rumiko Takahashi and is presently owned, I believe, by Viz. Gundam Wing is the property of Bandai Entertainment, Sunrise, and Emotion.

Morning Surprise Outtakes!!